My Father

I knew that it was coming. This still ripped a hole in my chest. My Father past away yesterday.


 He had been sick with Altzheimer for a few years now. The last few months he was not doing well at all. We knew he did not have a lot of time. So why do I feel so stunned?

I miss my father. He was by no means the best father in the world, or the greatest man alive. However he was a genuinely good person who tried his best.

As a husband and a father he made every special day especially special. Unlike most men he never forgot a Birthday, or an Anniversary. I remember he would pick roses from our garden make breakfast for my mother and get her morning news paper ready for her. If it was a birthday or anniversary or anything like that he would have a card and a gift waiting for her. He did his very best to take care of her every need.

He was the kind of Dad that would help you out any way he could. I remember talking to him on the phone one time about what ever it was. We lived about two towns away from each other. My son was a few months old. I mad a comment about needing to buy milk when my husband got paid because we where out. About 30 minutes later there he was with a gallon of milk. It was such an off handed remark that I almost forgot I made it. When we moved to another country and I started school he would send money when ever he could.

I also remember he would help anyone if he could. He opened our home to a friend of his who needed a place to stay. He didn't put a time limit on it or make demands of the man. He simply let him sleep on our couch. And he endured my Mothers wrath for it I am sure.

He married my Mother when she had four teenage boys. He instantly thought of them as his sons and he would do anything for them. Never once differentiating them as my mothers children. They where as much his as they were hers at least in his eyes.

So yes the man had his faults but he made me the person I am today. And if I am half as good and consideret a person as he was then I am really lucky.

For me right now the worst part is that I do not have the money to go see my Mother and be with her right now. I know handling the arrangements is not going to be easy for her. I have a friend, my best friend actually, who might be able to lend me the money. Then the problem becomes the fact that I let my passport expire. Getting one quickly is not impossible it is just very expensive. My husband is going to look into that for me.

I know that it is very unlikely that everything is going to work out for me but I am at the moment clinging on to the hope that I can go to my mother. This is my wish, I want to be there for my mother and I want to be at my fathers funeral.