Working on it

So i have been trying to figure out why I am feeling the way I do.
Why do I get mad at people for silly things. Why am I so annoyed all the time excetera excetera.
So at first I thought it was simple. I am not giving myself enough me time. I am spread so thin doing things for others, work, volunteer group, my Children and my mother, that I have no me time. So wen someone says they would take care of something and they didn't,  and the task fell on me, I got mad.
However I couldn't shake this nagging feeling that this wasn't really the problem. Yes help would be nice, but there was another issue.
So a few days ago I was cleaning the house. My mother was in her room watching TV. She is very hard of hearing so her TV is usually up very high. I am not really sure what she was watching because I wasn't really paying attention. Suddenly the person on the TV said: "We are not present in our lives" Basically we are so distracted by what else we have going on we are not paying attention to the moment. Even when we are not busy with those thoughts we are usually on devices. Video games, social media and so forth. So that even at that time we are not really present.
BOOM out of nowhere there it was. This was (ummm let's face it "is") my problem. I am not present. I am constantly thinking of what I need to do next. And when I am relaxing I'm playing a game on my phone, catching up on social media or watching TV.
Now I am not saying those things are bad, but they sure have a way of taking up more and more of your time.
So I have been working on being more present in all that I do, and to cut down on the electronics time. This is a lot harder then I thought it would be I must say.
We shall see if my mood improves :)

Trying to get back on track

My life feels like it is kind of floating around in limbo. It isn't that my life is bad, far from it actually.  However I am finding myself feeling uneasy, irritated  and even jealous of the silliest things.
All sure signs that something somewhere is out of wack.
So I am trying to take a good long look at my life and get it back on track.
On the surface I would say I need to be more active in my life, get out more. The truth is though that these things are never as simple as they seem on the surface. So I plan on meditating on this today. Let's see were it takes me. Wish me luck.

Solitary is the way for me I guess

So a friend invited me over for a full moon ritual at her home. First we spent some time chatting, then we did the ritual and then spent some more time chatting. It was my friend, another person I know (very nice lady), a couple I meet that evening and myself.
It was a short but nice ritual. I truly enjoyed having like minded people to chat with. However I discovered that I really do enjoy rituals on my own better.
A few months ago my friend had invited me to join a ritual. At this one there was a couple, while very nice, I simply couldn't warm up to. I didn't enjoy that ritual to much, but chalked it up to the feeling I had towards the couple.
However at the full moon ritual I was very comfortable with everyone there. Even though it was nicer, I still found I enjoyed rituals on my own better.
So maybe I am simply a solitary or maybe I haven't found the right group of people yet.
I guess for now I am simply looking for more socialization then anything else.

Who would have guessed

Well it turned out that a lot of my recent health issues were do to the fact that I had a rather large hernia in my abdomen. Surgery was my only option. Right now I am recovering from surgery. It is taking longer then expected, but I am getting there. Once I get the ok from the Dr I am going to start working out. Losing weight is the best way I can make sure I do not go through this kind of pain again....and yes this was very painful.
It may be a slow pace, but things are getting better.

2014

Well I know I am a bit late posting my first blog of the year, but hey better late then never :)
Since the new year is the time to make resolutions and to try and improve one self, I decided to take a look at my life and figure out what needs to change. I want to be happy in 2014. It is that simple.
So what is making me not happy?
Working three jobs was tiring, but the thing I hated most about it was not spending time with my family and not having any me time. So I quite the one job. Now I have more time, but I want to ensure it is quality time. Not just sitting around while everyone is on a device of some kind. So I will make a consouse effort to spend quality time with my family. And also make sure I have sometime just for me.
The second thing in my life that is making me not happy is stress. Crazy right? Who would have thought stress could make a person unhappy? However it is true. Now the really crazy thing is, if I am totally honest (and who better to be totally honest with then random strangers who may stumble across my blog) most of my stress is self induced. I have a very bad ostrich approach to unplesent things. I stick my head in the ground and hope it passes me by. Ofcourse life does not work that way. Problems start to pile up, and I feel overwhelmed and stressed out. On the other hand with some things I tend to flip out and over react. In these situations I am stressed out, and then I stress out over my reaction. So this year I plan on trying to handle things as they come up and not flip out over others. Less stress is my goal.
The third thing is my health. My health has not been the greatest. Since I am not ignorant I am well awere that a lot of it comes from my weight and eating habbits. Though I am not sure that is the only thing causing me problems. So my goal is to become healthier. Simple right?
:)
To sum up my goals:
* More quality family and me time
* Less stress
* healthier me
It sounds so simple on paper, but I know there is a lot of hard work ahead of me. This will be a complete lifestyle change.
But you know what? I think I can do it.