New years resolution

I have one very simple new years resolution thus year. " Be Happy"
I spend so much time dwelling on the things that make me unhappy, but I do little or nothing about it. From now on if something makes me unhappy I will change it.

Signs

I believe in signs. For example if you come across an animal and it really strikes you in someway. I honestly believe yoy should look up the animals spiritual meaning.
Most animals have several meanings, but I feel the correct one will strike a cord.
So for me the animals have been eagles and hawks.
Both birds of pray that teach you to look at things differently.  Look at the big picture and open yourself up to your higher self.
And most recently raccons. I literally opened the door and was right in front of one.
Raccons teach you to exept the gifts you have, but also to leave no stone unturned to get what you want.
I feel like these are both important messages for me. I feel like I really need to sit down, look at the big picture. I tend to look at bits and pieces. Figure out what it is that I actually want and then go for it.
There are a few things I want, but I am not sure if they are what I really want or just what I think I want.
I know that sounds silly, but truth of the matter is, sometimes we don't really know what we want. We just simply want something different because what we have doesn't make us happy. That doesn't mean the other thing will make us happy. And it might very well be, because it isn't what we really wanted.
So my goal is to figure out what it is I want.

Negative Energy

So I am a person who truly believes, like attracts like.
So I try to keep my attitude positive to keep positive things flowing in my life.
Exept I have to admit, somehow, somewhere things changed. My outlook and attitude are far from positive.
Honestly I can not tell you when the change started to happen, just that it did and things have gotten out of control.
I am grumpy with people, I jump to conclusions, I am judgmental, I am short tempered. In short I am a bitch lately.
And things in my life are going wrong. This past year alone, I have lost three pets, things keep breaking on my car, I no longer like my work place at all, and I didn't get a job that I was perfect for. ( I know that sounds like bragging, but I am dammed good at what I do and I know it. I won't apologize for that) Oh and let's not forget my syatica has been acting up a lot.
So the way I see it, I have to choices.
Put on blinders and keep on like there isn't a problem, or
Consciously make an effort to improve my life.
I choose option two.
First thing I will do is to try and pin point why things have gotten so crazy and out of control. There really has to be a reason for it. Time for some meditation, I think.

Weird recurring dream....sort of

So for the last week or maybe 2, I have been having this weird sensation.
The sensation is that I keep dreaming I am having a conversation with a lady. I don't know how I know it is a lady, but that is what I feel. I usually don't remember the dream, but sometimes I "feel" like we talked about my Mom or most recently about decorating the house.
I feel like in the dream, the woman is by my bed and I am in my bed.
It is such a vague sensation when I wake up that I only have flashes of very cloudy images in my head.
It is weird. It isn't like recalling other dreams. I am not even sure if I am having dreams or just imagining the whole thing.
I know that sounds Strang when talking about a possible dream, but I am not sure how else to describe it. It just feels very different.

Working on it

So i have been trying to figure out why I am feeling the way I do.
Why do I get mad at people for silly things. Why am I so annoyed all the time excetera excetera.
So at first I thought it was simple. I am not giving myself enough me time. I am spread so thin doing things for others, work, volunteer group, my Children and my mother, that I have no me time. So wen someone says they would take care of something and they didn't,  and the task fell on me, I got mad.
However I couldn't shake this nagging feeling that this wasn't really the problem. Yes help would be nice, but there was another issue.
So a few days ago I was cleaning the house. My mother was in her room watching TV. She is very hard of hearing so her TV is usually up very high. I am not really sure what she was watching because I wasn't really paying attention. Suddenly the person on the TV said: "We are not present in our lives" Basically we are so distracted by what else we have going on we are not paying attention to the moment. Even when we are not busy with those thoughts we are usually on devices. Video games, social media and so forth. So that even at that time we are not really present.
BOOM out of nowhere there it was. This was (ummm let's face it "is") my problem. I am not present. I am constantly thinking of what I need to do next. And when I am relaxing I'm playing a game on my phone, catching up on social media or watching TV.
Now I am not saying those things are bad, but they sure have a way of taking up more and more of your time.
So I have been working on being more present in all that I do, and to cut down on the electronics time. This is a lot harder then I thought it would be I must say.
We shall see if my mood improves :)

Trying to get back on track

My life feels like it is kind of floating around in limbo. It isn't that my life is bad, far from it actually.  However I am finding myself feeling uneasy, irritated  and even jealous of the silliest things.
All sure signs that something somewhere is out of wack.
So I am trying to take a good long look at my life and get it back on track.
On the surface I would say I need to be more active in my life, get out more. The truth is though that these things are never as simple as they seem on the surface. So I plan on meditating on this today. Let's see were it takes me. Wish me luck.

Solitary is the way for me I guess

So a friend invited me over for a full moon ritual at her home. First we spent some time chatting, then we did the ritual and then spent some more time chatting. It was my friend, another person I know (very nice lady), a couple I meet that evening and myself.
It was a short but nice ritual. I truly enjoyed having like minded people to chat with. However I discovered that I really do enjoy rituals on my own better.
A few months ago my friend had invited me to join a ritual. At this one there was a couple, while very nice, I simply couldn't warm up to. I didn't enjoy that ritual to much, but chalked it up to the feeling I had towards the couple.
However at the full moon ritual I was very comfortable with everyone there. Even though it was nicer, I still found I enjoyed rituals on my own better.
So maybe I am simply a solitary or maybe I haven't found the right group of people yet.
I guess for now I am simply looking for more socialization then anything else.