Monday was a difficult day. Not only was it the two month anniversary of my Father's death. It also would have been his 69th Birthday.
My Mother has not been living with me all that long yet. She doesn't really know anyone outside of my household. So when I and my husband are at work and the Children are at school she is all by herself.
On Monday I didn't want her to be by herself. I tried getting the day off but because we are short staffed and someone else had requested that day off months ago, I couldn't take it off. My bosses where going to try and get me out of work early. I informed all of my co-workers and everyone agreed they would help to get me out of work on Monday. It is nice to work with such a great group of people.
The major problem was this. Mondays is the busiest day of the week for us.No one could really help with getting me out early. In fact it took a little creativity to get me out only 30 minutes later then I was supposed to get off.
At first this was really upsetting to me. I really thought that I should be there for my Mom. So I rushed home as quickly as I could. It was obvious that my Mother had been crying. I am one of those people who believe it is important to allow yourself to cry. My Mother doesn't seem to think it is OK to cry in front of someone. After I got home, she did not cry again. She was very irritable at things that had happened in her past regarding money. She was yelling at commercials for lawyers about things. She even complained about the shows she had picked out to watch. I may not like it but I know this is how she copes with her grief when she doesn't want to cry.
So even though it was a difficult day at work for me ( because I was trying not to cry) my Mom really needed me not to be there that day. If I had been there she would not have allowed herself to cry, and she really needed to do this. At least that is how I feel about it. So things worked out for the best. Sometimes I forget to trust that they will.
